Crystal Clear
by Fiona Fargazer
Summary: (TFP Takes place after my ff Red Haze) After the Autobots have officially won the war and peace reigns on Cybertron, Starscream might have felt like an outcast forever, but a silly young fledgling decides to make him her dad after learning about such a thing from Knock Out and changes his perspective on things.
1. Commanding the Troops

JMJ

ONE: COMMANDING THE TROOPS

How did I ever get into this mess? _Starscream thought miserably as he lay trapped beside the rubble he had been pulled through._

 _His wings were damaged beyond the ability of flight, he was sure his right leg was more damaged than his wings, and his other bumps and bruises were as painful as those of old, he recalled. He was leaking energon; though he knew that it was not draining very fast and he still had time before it would become too dangerous._

 _Space dust hovered above him veiling the stars in spots with violet and green. It was a peaceful scene to be looking upon in such a state, honestly, and in his fancy he thought it rather comforting despite it all, but the pain was suddenly too much. The strange feeling of his new life swelled up upon him too so that he felt strangely embarrassed even though no one was around._

 _He huddled against an especially tall stone in an awkward manner that did not bring further damage to his wings and leaned his head against it with closed optics._

So this is what it's like to be a hero, is it? _he thought._

 _Never had he saved anyone before in such a selfless manner. He was surprised at his own ability to care for another without a thought to his own self. It did not displease him, but until this point he had not thought himself quite capable of selflessness—well, honest selflessness, after all. Not to mention he was just simply relieved that the one he rescued was safe now, such caring thoughts surprised him too. He felt happier that she was safe than the fact that she went to find someone to get help. (They had been too far out on this meteor to call someone on Cybertron with their personal communicators.)_

 _How had this all started?_

Ah, yes _, he knew._

 _Sunsparrow was how it had started._

 _He replayed the stones falling all around him as he forced her ahead. He snapped her out of her shock enough so that she transformed, and he made sure always to have her in front of him as the cave-in became all consuming. He pushed her out of the way of a falling slab. There would be nothing left of that cavern before long. He was fortunate there was anything left of himself!_

 _Never had he cared so much, and he had been in many tunnels and many cave-ins alone throughout the centuries of his life. Admittedly, not since before his release from prison, however. Maybe he had not been given the chance at anything of this sort up until this point from the point at which he had been given his second chance on new Cybertron sanctioned by President Bumblebee and his worthy council._

 _But this started before today, he knew. Way before today._

#

"Are you sure you want me to _teach_ fledglings?" I asked, wincing painfully and twiddling my digits as I slumped before my worth superior.

Jetfire opened his mouth to speak, but I suddenly tried to look more serious, straightening myself with an arm flung behind my back as I looked up at him and said, "Not that I'm questioning your orders, Sir, but I don't deem myself fit for such a responsibility. Perhaps it would be better if you have no further use for me elsewhere that I return to the capital so that the President may find new work for me to do. Skywarp would perhaps be more worthy of such a position."

Jetfire grunted; he nearly rolled his optics. "Starscream, don't be ridiculous! You're remaining here, because by order of President Bumblebee and the agreement of the council you are now part of _this_ clan, and I deem you fit even if you do not. If you do _not_ do this, you will become less profitable, if you want it that way!"

I fidgeted again and raised my head curiously if not hesitantly, for I had my optics to the floor while he spoke with my wings and shoulders very stooped. I tried to lift them both as I said, "Forgive me, but I'm not sure I follow."

"You've already proven to me that you are a different Cybertronian and that it is unlikely for you to go back to your old ways! But!" Here Jetfire thrust his staff towards me for emphasis, "there is one thing that is still a danger about you."

My spark suddenly raced with fear. "Yes?"

"You're still torturing a valuable person," said Jetfire. "Yourself." He pounded his staff back upon the floor again for further emphasis and his optics were steady upon mine.

After his words sunk in for a second or two for analysis, I sighed. "Well, perhaps…"

"You must trust yourself again," said Jetfire now far more personable in tone, more like a friend than a superior.

Sometimes I still forget that he is actually my peer. The age marks on his face are what do it the most, but his voice is very strong too in general, and even in the early days of the War he always carried a confidence and even a maturity that I envied, as candid as Thundercracker and more fiercely honorable than Dreadwing or his brother and yet even as a Decepticon he had been as heroic as the bravest of Autobots. That last trait was why he had left the Decepticons in the end. I felt his superiority over me when I remembered his age more than when I didn't.

Returning to the present and to what he said about me, I nodded with care twiddling some more. I could not deny it.

"You want me to decide every time you take energon or scrape the grime out from under your stands," Jetfire went on.

A little bit of an exaggeration, but not by much. Again, I didn't argue, though I pouted somewhat.

"You can't make everyone else make every decision for you," Jetfire still added. "Not every decision you've ever made is wrong. You fear making a mistake so much that you've gone nearly the opposite of the way you were before."

"But I—" I cracked.

Jetfire held up his hand. "You're capable. You have a mental processor."

Mouth open slightly ajar on its hinge, I eventually nodded my head firmly. "Of course. I know that not _every_ decision I've ever made was wrong, just most of them." I ended on a squeak and a rather sickly grin, for Jetfire was not amused.

Jetfire's heavy brows dropped over his yellow optics. "Even if that was so. What does it matter? That was then and this is now. I'm not going to let you waste away like this!"

"But I'm very happy, Master."

Jetfire gave a most irritated sigh.

"If I am your master then trust me," he said, his speech was almost on par with a speech of one of Optimus Prime's, except in Jetfire's own very passionate way; it seems flights have naturally a sort of outward passion that shows more than in grounds for some reason. (Well, I always thought it was because of being able to see the world from the affecting view of the air by one's own power, but maybe that's just me.) Anyway, he went on: "You have to do this, or you'll drive yourself mad. Or _me_ mad. The only contact you have with anyone is with Skyfire, Skywarp and myself, and I know you well enough that contact with others is important to you, so it has been decided that the best way to face your fears is to take command of the learning fledglings. You were always the best flier. So go prove to yourself that you're worth something. You've learned from your mistakes with the Decepticons. Now you're supposed to act. Don't hide away in self pity, and it's not like you're giving them a vast lessons on ethics and morality even though I know how much you've changed on that point. This can't be difficult for you. You were commander of armadas!"

For a moment I just stared. I felt utterly unhappy now and I'm sure I showed it.

"You are part of the old world," Jetfire said at last. "They must look up to you. It's your responsibility."

I nodded. "Yes, yes, I know. I'll try, Sir. Though, I'll admit that it is difficult to feel responsible when you aren't sure who you are anymore."

Jetfire nodded promptly. "I understand that, believe me. I'm not asking much. Just to teach some flying skills, and to prove to the fledglings of this clan that you're a worthy elder."

He thrust his staff forward so that it nearly touched my chest. It no longer bore the Decepticon symbol. It no longer bore anything, actually. I knew what I didn't want to be anymore, but not what I was to be now.

"Elder…" I repeated as though some foreign contaminate had gotten into my mouth.

"There will be no further discussion about this," said Jetfire then beginning to walk away. "You're too fond of flying about in circles with your talk, and I'm not about to wait around for you to back out again."

Before I could say another word, Jetfire left the chamber and I was left to myself.

Since my release from prison I had been the follower of Jetfire, and although it is to my nature to be a follower on most occasions, I was, I had to admit to myself even then, becoming a little bit of a nuisance about it. I followed Jetfire around at times like a pet more than a sentient assistant, and although I could not say I was unhappy most of the time, I did know that Jetfire was right and that I did not feel fulfilled. I did not feel complete.

I was in a small hanger now. In the Personal Quarters Hall, this was the highest hanger, and Jetfire had caught me here after a morning flight. Jetfire had probably left to refuel or perhaps even recharge, but I had a mission now to perform on my own without Jetfire. I was honored, of course, that Jetfire trusted me enough to go on my own in it, but as Jetfire said I did not trust myself.

"Beside," I muttered then. "I've never gotten along with fledglings. Even when I was one. I was always far more interested in what my elders were doing." I shrugged. "Of course, all I really had for company most of the time were vehicons at that age unless I was meeting with Skywarp and Thundercracker…and my only direct elders were the council until Megatron and Orion Pax and occasionally Elita One."

The sun shining outside the open hatchway pouring in around me cast a long morning shadow upon the floor. I turned sulkily at first out towards the sky. I hated feeling reluctant to fly. Not but a year ago I had promised myself to never take a flight for granted after fifty years locked up in a small hole in the dark.

 _Then I won't take it for granted_ , I thought with determination as I made my way out onto the aerie balcony.

Without further ado I jumped off the ledge and transformed. Up I bolted in jet-form and made my way to where the young flights would be gathering for their lesson.

When I landed on the platform of the correct aerie I saw that many of the fledglings were already present. I said nothing until more arrived. I straightened importantly, readying myself for what to say and how to conduct the lesson. I could not help but wish that at least Skywarp could help or even Skyfire, but of course, they had other duties and as Jetfire said, this was for me.

Once I saw that most everyone was present after counting them in a brief manner that Cybertronians are very good at, I closed my optics, threw one hand behind my back and began to speak.

"Ahem!" I said to get their attention.

More or less everyone looked at me, and I was satisfied. I nodded to myself with a smile, but then as a whole Cybertronians are naturally obedient to their superiors perhaps more so than other races even if Jetfire had done an excellent job of organizing his clan regardless. Another thing I was grateful for was that this second generation was not nearly as big as the first as the youngest flights had been split in half with the arrival of the Autobot survivor of the War, Slingshot—He had his own clan now, although he was on very good terms with Jetfire's clan by the way, except for perhaps being understandably distrustful of me being let loose in it.

 _But that's neither here nor there_ , I told himself.

"As you all know from last time we were here," I said slowly pacing around in front of my audience, "Master Jetfire introduced me as possibly teaching you some of my…tricks—Ih!—" I paused in step as well as voice. "That is my _air_ tricks, naturally."

Some of the fledglings seemed to get a kick out of that and though I had not originally meant it as a joke, I allowed them to think so, smiling briefly before I went on. It seemed to break some ice anyway, which was an improvement from the blankly staring optics a few seconds before.

"…And how they're properly performed without injury to oneself. After all, some of them can be straining. So!" And here I began to pace again importantly with the strut of a drill instructor and in the manner of a teaching historian as I began explaining how the lessons would be split up. It had been ages since I commanded anyone, and I was fairly rusty at it. But in the middle of a sentence, I was suddenly interrupted by another laugh, a strange soft solitary one, and I paused again, frowned in the direction of the titter and when it was stifled I continued as before.

It started again, and I turned to the sound.

It had been produced by a small yellow, white and silver female flight with large optics. Her legs supported her to tiptoe so that her heals were like a second backwards pair of knees. Such are unusual in Cybertronians though not unheard of but are more common among flights. Her two wings were folded behind her very similarly to how mine are set up giving them the ability to move about freely in robot mode, and these drooped slightly as I stared at her. She stifled her laugh again and stared with her wide blue optics with hands wrapped behind her innocently.

I could feel my own wings twitch behind me, and I was just about to go on ignoring her when I decided in a double-take to say, "Is something funny?"

Smiling very shyly now, the young fledgling shook her head. "No, Mr. Starscream. Sorry." She lowered her head.

"Oh, she's okay, Mr. Starscream," said another one of the fledglings named Cometflier. "Sunsparrow's just like that."

" _Hmph_ ," I said and felt fortunate that I could make it through now without anymore interruptions.

The demonstration was my favorite part, but correcting everyone's mistakes could only make me slap my face. Sunsparrow especially gave me grief, or so I thought, when she did not seem to take any of my corrections seriously and screwed up often. By the time the lesson was completed, in fact, I even had to lament about it.

Skywarp is a good listener. Most anything that is told him stays with him, anyway.

"At least one of them doesn't take me seriously, and I can't fathom why," I told him. "Jetfire's disciplined them, hasn't he? And the older generation is very respectful to…well, everyone. They're all good examples."

"Which one."

"I said everyone," I sniffed.

Skywarp shook his head. "Which one's giving you _trouble_?"

"One called Sunsparrow," I said fidgeting.

Skywarp's queer smile made me feel rather silly now.

"Sunsparrow," he said. "She's harmless."

"That's what I was told," I grumbled.

"I can't imagine she has any less respect for you than the others do," said Skywarp with a minimal shrug.

"Well, not even Airwalk gave me trouble and I was warned about him," I said.

"When she was a hatchling, she did not want to be left alone. She wouldn't let go of Skyfire's arm unless she was trying to hold onto Jetfire himself."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"She's sensitive, I guess," Skywarp shrugged. "And she was terrified when she learned you were going to be released."

I made a face. "Was she?"

Skywarp nodded. "Everyone knew about you in there and the younger ones made you out to be—"

"The boogeyman, yes, yes, I heard all about that; I'm surprised they turned me into that instead of the Predaking," I grumbled, and I said no more about it.

Next lesson day I did have a mind to look out for Sunsparrow though, but when I saw her she did not titter though I noticed that she watched me with interest. The lesson was uninterrupted, and I soon forgot all about it. I might have continued on in that way forever after, but Sunsparrow did not.

After the lesson I found as I flew off that someone was flying very near me. I focused my senses to see that it was Sunsparrow in her slim Cybertronian craft.

Again I sighed, and I sighed very audibly.

"Yes?" I demanded.

"I just—"

I landed suddenly on an aerie in robot-mode and Sunsparrow quickly followed suit.

"I just wanted to say," she said, "I'm sorry about yesterday." She laughed just a little; though very shyly; then she looked very serious. "Please forgive me, Mr. Starscream."

I paused staring at her hopeful optics underneath a lowered pair of lids over my own. Then my optics rolled.

"You're forgiven," I said. "Really, there's nothing to forgive."

"Oh, well, Cometflier said that I dishonored you," said Sunsparrow.

"Uh…"

I wanted to say something kind. I had never had to deal with people younger than myself before. In the War I had hardly tried to kill them much less try to be gentle. I wasn't that versed in how to converse with a female either.

I fidgeted a little now as I looked down at Sunsparrow's tightly drawn-together brows.

"You're forgiven," I said again.

"Thank you," said Sunsparrow, her bright smile returning.

Little did I know that I was going to be seeing an awful lot more of that smile as she took flight.


	2. The Promotion

JMJ

CHAPTER TWO: THE PROMOTION

"I practiced on your lessons," said Sunsparrow suddenly.

I had just come back from my early morning flight and I turned around with surprise, for I had not realized she was there on the landing platform. For a second or two I stared at her in silence. Then turning to continue to find Jetfire to ask what the day's duties were, I said, "That's very good."

"I'm getting better," said Sunsparrow again.

I paused in step and turned around, nodding with a raised brow. "That's… _ih_ …very good."

"Would you," Sunsparrow hesitated, "would you like to see, Mr. Starscream?"

Again I hesitated, but I decided Jetfire would probably want me to. I nodded. "All right. Show me, and then I'll give you some pointers or whatever you'd like to know from me. You know you're forgiven, remember?"

Sunsparrow nodded and smiled. "Thank you. I don't mean to take up your time."

I waved a hand aside. "No, that's alright. You just go on and fly out there and show me what you've got!"

Sunsparrow saluted with a grin and then took off.

#

 _Starscream caught himself smiling as he remembered his first few meetings with Sunsparrow. She was a strange little thing. He still to this day did not know what she wanted to hang around him for when there were so many others that she liked. She got along well with most of the old generation. He knew that she really liked Arcee and Knock Out and Slingshot. She told him about them frequently, and she had a few friends of her siblings like Cometflier and outside the clan like Glidewheel, but she had for some reason chosen her favorite companion to be him._

 _He recalled her bounding after him when he chatted with Skywarp on break. He remembered her tagging along after his duties. Of course it was not perpetual, but most days would not go by without her wanting to show her flying growth and telling of things she had been doing with Cometflier and Blazewing._

 _He paused briefly in thought when he thought he saw someone flying out of the corner of his optics, but it was only a shooting star. He shrugged and returned to his mind._

 _There was one day that truly sealed their relationship, and he recalled it with crystal clarity._

#

I'd been running an errand for Jetfire when I discovered them. Cometflier with Glidewheel (one of Knock Out's) had been just about to call someone over communications for medical assistance (probably Knock Out), but they saw me instead flying overhead. They hailed me, and I was taken aback to discover the one who had been wounded had been Sunsparrow.

Blazewing and Sunsparrow, I soon learned were not the best combination when thinking of activities, and although everyone was reluctant to tell me what exactly had happened, I had gathered enough to know that they had been pulling off ridiculous stunts that not even the most skilled flier would perform well unless perhaps under the greatest need.

Blazewing looked thoroughly guilty as though it was his fault that she was dead, but she was not dead. I knew that right away, though as I truly approached her, I feared the worst. My fears were soon put to rest, however, and I sighed with relief to see that although she was crumpled in a heap and losing energon, the damage was not severe.

"Well," I said staunchly to the others. "Let's get her to a doctor before she loses too much energon."

I had spoken severely but I did not realize what a start I would put them in especially Sunsparrow herself.

"Oh, Mr. Starscream," she sobbed. "Is it really that bad?"

I stiffened, and looked at her wounded side and arm.

"No!" I exclaimed. "It's not that bad. I've been far worse, I can assure you of that, but that doesn't mean we should take it lightly either!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said shivering and her voice cracked as though she was far more mortally wounded.

I groaned from the drama of it all and looking skyward as the rest of me stooped downward.

"Look," I said trying to sound kinder as I motioned with my hands for her to calm down. "You'll be alright. Just… stop freaking out. It'll only make it worse."

I turned around to Glidewheel who had apparently in the meantime been calling the main hospital. We had by this time a small medical facility of our own, but it was just as well.

"Are they ready for us to take her in?" I wanted to know.

Blazewing nodded hastily. "A medical transport's coming."

"Oh," I said, feeling stupid. "Right. A medical transport."

The transport would take her without moving her too much as would likely happen if we took her there ourselves. I had almost forgotten, being so used to the days of the War. Injury, as slight as it was, had put me almost back into such days when such extra precautions could not always afford to be taken. And medical transports? Hardly ever. They were far too slow and easily destroyed to move someone from a battlefield even if the new transports were speedier that the ones on old Cybertron. It had been mostly bridges and hands that grabbed the wounded

It wasted no time in getting to our location, anyway, and I was about to send Cometflier and Glidewheel to go with her, but Sunsparrow snatched my hand from where she lay on the transport.

"Wait!" she begged. "Please, Mr. Starscream, please come too. You know what it's like to be hurt, right?"

It seemed nearly everything that came out of her mouth took me aback. She begged so pleadingly and sincerely that I found it difficult to come up with the right way to decline. I looked out towards the clan tower where I was meant to complete my errand for Jetfire, and I fumbled over my words as I tried clumsily to explain as I turned from the tower to Sunsparrow, my duty, but Blazewing suddenly spoke up.

"I'll do it!"

"You will?" I demanded.

"Yes, to make up for what I did. I talked her into it," he begged. "Please."

"Well, that—" I started to say, but I relented then, nodding. "Yes, yes, alright."

I gave him the proper information, and I resigned myself to the fact that I was going with Sunsparrow. The medical transport was leaving without me too, and she was still looking back hopefully at me.

Oh, could you have denied accompanying her?

It's not like she had ever experienced anything like this before, and even though I knew her fretting was unwarranted, I did recall just then the first time I had to be seen for medical treatment injured in a mine. I had been barely older than she and not much more hurt and I remember fearing the worst when they told me that I had to be put into stasis to set a line to right. It had been a new experience then. The pain, I thought then, was unbearable, and how anyone could live through such pain had been beyond me. It had been long before pain had become a way of life for everyone in the War. The fact that not long before my injury, a Vehicon had been far more injured than me that did not pull through, had shattered my nerves the more about it when they hooked me up to a machine just before consciousness left me.

So recalling this experience I had at least a thought of what was going through Sunsparrow's mind, and I pitied her plight. She just wanted someone older there for support. I believe I had had one at the time. It was Elita One, actually.

I soon found myself at the hospital with the naïve injured fledgling, and my day just got better when I discovered that somehow, though the hospital was plenty staffed now, Knock Out was the one to take care of her. But then business was not too booming in the medical sphere these days. Knock Out himself was more of a scientist despite everything, but ended up with most of the medical tasks just as Ratchet who was more of medic was mostly doing research on Earth with his human scientist friend Pr. Rafael Esquivel. Oh, but I would have been fine with a younger doctor.

 _Not to be_ , I thought with a moan.

It was Knock Out.

I still had trouble around Knock Out; though he was not the only one. It was not that I hate him, but he ever made me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's something to do with our pasts or just his calm happy exterior these days with that lazy smile he has always had stretched over his face. With the situation already being an uncomfortable one, this just made it all the better.

Though, Knock Out, like a good doctor, I realized, was far more interested in Sunsparrow than myself.

And it surprised me exceedingly how gentle he could be. No doubt he had learned it from having to deal with so many hatchlings, but he seemed to have an uncanny knack for calming the young and naïve. I had to wonder how many times he had to tut a wound of some young one or other. I could picture that when such things first occurred Knock Out might not have been so gentle and might have found it amusing how upset they were over little bumps and scrapes, but he had matured since then.

Still there is no gentle way to tell someone who has not been in stasis before that you have to be made unconscious against your will.

"Oh, no, please, Dr. Knock Out," begged Sunsparrow. "Do you have to? I don't want to be unconscious like that."

"It would be far more painful than you're feeling now if I did this while you were awake," replied Knock Out with a shrug.

Sunsparrow cringed and turned her optics on me beseechingly.

I don't think I returned her with a look of encouragement.

"Will Mr. Starscream stay?" she asked.

Knock Out smiled a long slow sort of smile that he was known for, and I slumped and closed my optics.

"Of course he will. Don't you worry."

I would have slumped if I had not slumped already.

Sunsparrow suddenly looked guilty.

"He's right," I said quickly and nodded. "I promise. I'll be here when you wake."

The fledgling nodded in return; though she still looked a little guilty. That made me feel a little guilty myself. Who knew that taking care of those younger than oneself could take more out of you than a battle? Her very look wounded me more than laser fire.

I forced a smile; though perhaps it was rather a sickly one, and I said, "I promise. This isn't serious."

She smiled too a little; though I am sure it was more attractive than mine had been.

"Believe me. I've been through far, far worse. Even Knock Out's been through far worse. Well, you know, I've been dead before." I chuckled slightly.

Sunsparrow's smile fell in alarm, and Knock Out gave me a queer glance.

My chuckle turned into a cough as I looked away.

"Well, that's the War for you," Knock Out admitted moving things promptly along now away from what I had just said. "This may not be Wartime, but I'll treat this with more care than if you were a warrior during it. You'll wake up, Sunsparrow, and you won't even know it happened."

#

The first thing she did when she opened her optics and blinked away the surprise of waking from stasis for the first time was to ask Knock Out quite close, "Is Mr. Starscream still there?"

"Yes," said Knock Out unable to hide his amusement, and he stepped aside and pointed me out lurking in the corner like some shadow on the wall.

Trying to avoid making visual contact with Knock Out during the procedure had made me rather unsociable, I suppose.

I tried to smile for her. Sunsparrow smiled back.

"Well," said Knock Out promptly. "Everything's going smoothly now. Sunsparrow, you are functioning normally again; though you should rest here for an hour or so for your system to readjust itself. You've been refueled so you don't have to worry about that." Fortunately for myself at the time, (or maybe he was just being considerate), he also added, "So I'll just leave you to rest while I attend to other matters. Chase will probably come in and check on you once more before you go."

Sunsparrow nodded with lowered her optics shyly. "Thank you, Dr. Knock Out."

"You're most welcome," said Knock Out and then he took his leave with a tease that he could not help to me as he nodded: "Mr. Starscream."

"Dr. Knock Out," I said coolly.

Knock Out exited and we were left alone in the little room.

"How long was I out?" asked Sunsparrow.

"About forty minutes," I told her stepping with care towards her.

"Was I a difficult case?" asked Sunsparrow.

I shook my head. "We told you, you weren't."

Sunsparrow hesitated and looked like something was pressing on her mind. She fidgeted uncomfortably and looked at me as she debated about speaking.

"You don't have worry anymore," I told her.

"It's not that," she said. "It's…"

"Well," I interrupted with a shrug and a hand held up helpfully. "Whatever it is, it can surely wait until after you're allowed to leave here."

"I'm sorry," she said with a sigh.

I frowned. "About what?"

"I bug you, don't I?" said Sunsparrow.

I staggered again. My wings shot upright, and quickly I shook my head a third time. "No. I never said that. I—Well, what I mean is I—Well, maybe at first I wasn't sure what to make of you, but—I…"

"I'm sorry," said Sunsparrow again.

"Don't be!" I insisted stepping closer without reserve now.

I was beside myself. Part of me was repelled by the situation and part of me wanted to put it to right. Obviously the second part got the better of me.

"Sunsparrow!" I insisted as I put a hand gently on her arm. "I…" I looked away rubbing the back of my neck as I stared up the ceiling for the right words to say. I returned to her in earnest. "I appreciate you. Really and truly I do. I'll admit that I was unsure of you at first, but I am sincerely grateful for your affection and lively visits. Those days that you didn't show up I…well, I did find myself missing you, _heh_."

And this was true. On the days that she did not show up it felt like something had been missing about the day, and I did honestly appreciate her affection. But that did not prepare me for what the weary little creature did next. As she closed her optics and sat up, I tried to tell her that she should lie back down, but before I stammered out the first syllable, she suddenly threw her arms around me in what most people call a hug, I suppose.

I was so taken aback this time that I could not move once my optics went wide and my wings were frozen straight up, and then she said in her weary little voice very quietly and warmly, "Thank you, Mr. Starscream. I love you too."

At first I was merely silenced the more. My mental processors seemed to have gone offline for a second or so, but it quite occurred to me that this was the first time that I could recall in my long memory that anyone had said those words to me. My nurse may have when I wasn't paying attention, but even that I was not so sure about, and even if she had, nurses were expected to love their charges. But this. I could not even recall anyone telling me that they liked me before. I mean I know Skywarp and Jetfire liked me now, but _love_.

Perhaps for most of my life I did not deserve to be loved. There had been for a very good long time very little about me to like at all, and I'm not afraid to admit it, but here I was standing there with this recovering fledgling hanging around my neck. My jaw hung open on the hinge as I stared out in front of myself, and at last the moment wriggled through my mind long enough to bring me to the present.

Very slowly I eased. I did not move much except to blink and to gradually move my hands to her shoulders gently in a sort of hug in return, so as at least not to be rude. But that was where the moment touched the spark. I felt myself heating up rather quickly, and involuntarily I felt myself begin to cool myself down through my mouth sucking in air heavily.

"Mr. Starscream!" said Sunsparrow suddenly breaking away.

I was so in a dazed state of mind that my hands lingered in the air where they had been on Sunsparrow as I blinked and focused my vision upon her stupidly.

"Are you…overheating?" she asked.

I let out a cough, and clamped my mouth shut. My body was cooling now anyway; though it still wanted to pant and I wouldn't let it.

"No! no," I said with a weak smile finding its way on my face; I had not had to force it. "No. I'm alright. You just rest, Sunsparrow."

"But you're alright, right?"

"I'm alright, I'm alright," I assured her.

Now it was my turn to hesitate. After a somewhat awkward silence, I said very quietly, " _Why_ do you love me? I've done nothing special."

Now it was Sunsparrow who was taken aback. I'm not sure if I ever had taken _her_ aback before and some very old petty competitive part of me thought, _At last we're even_! But I shooed it away.

"Well, we're all part of Jetfire's clan," she said after a moment of thought.

"Yes, I suppose…"

"And ever since I saw you. Well, _really_ saw you (I was scared of you before I knew that you weren't a monster)." She smiled shyly. "Well, I thought…"

"Yes?" I pressed curiously.

"I thought you could be my dad."

"You're _what_?" I must have made quite the expression because it almost looked like Sunsparrow was about to laugh, which made me frown from embarrassment.

"Like Dr. Knock Out is for Glidewheel," said Sunsparrow. "He calls himself the dad of all his clan."

"Oh, is that where you got it from?"

My dry tone was thankfully lost upon her. She was a simple Cybertronian. She only smiled broader and nodded.

"But wouldn't that make Jetfire your father?"

"Well, maybe technically, but he's more like the clan leader," said Sunsparrow. "I'm not sure what a dad is exactly, but it always sounds nice. Someone to look up to especially for you, right?"

"I suppose, but I still think that's Jetfire," I told her.

"But our clan has three elders, so I figured I could chose, especially if he likes me enough back," said Sunsparrow hopefully and her shyness returned.

I sighed.

"Is that…not okay, Mr. Starscream. I mean, you don't have any younger ones under you exactly. So I didn't think…"

"Alright," I said. "I can be your…" I hesitated, "your father if you like, but I don't see how it will make a difference if Jetfire's really the one in charge."

"Well, I did ask him if it was alright."

I recoiled. "You did?"

"Yes, he said if it was alright with you, he didn't see the problem with it."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Did he?"

"Yes."

I sighed heavier than before. "Okay, I suppose it's part of his giving me responsibilities." And I returned to her with a nod. "You win then."

I smiled more amiably this time and this pleased Sunsparrow very much. She seemed ready to give me another hug.

"But," I said holding up a hand which halted her. "You should obey your doctor's orders first and rest."

"Yes, Mr. Starscream," she said obediently.


	3. Old Maps and New Flight Patterns

JMJ

CHAPTER THREE: OLD MAPS AND NEW FLIGHT PATTERNS

So that was how I became a "father" or a role model or whatever it's called—an elder by the old terms. I ceased to be an overgrown fledgling myself anyway since now I did have responsibility as Jetfire wished.

Work is nothing what it used to be before the War. Times are so abundant that work is more to keep one's time busy than out of actual necessity except for maintenance, but even that is not as critical as it once had been. The busiest people are the builders who continuously but at a gradual pace rebuild Cybertron outwards from the capital center from which they began. A lot of defense training happens among us at Jetfire's clan however, and the investigating of foreign objects flying by the planet. Space debris mostly is all we find, but there are occasional asteroids and comets that hold interesting resources, which we take back to the builders and the scientists. Jetfire has some of his clan in both these areas as well but since the population is so small they then train and work often under other clan leaders for this.

Anyway, I often was one of the investigators off planet and Sunsparrow often accompanied me when she was not busy learning something somewhere else or spending time with her peers. I admit, I enjoyed having her tagging along. Her cheerfulness, though at times overwhelming, created an atmosphere of pleasantness that I had not quite experienced before. I found myself in a lighter mood around her and caught myself smiling for really no apparent reason other than her company frolicking about me in her silly little way.

I knew also that although she once feared me that she truly could not picture me as a Decepticon or a murderer and certainly not a writhing, sneaking worm, but she did wonder. I know she wondered on occasion when her bouncing slowed and she would look quite intently at me as if trying to understand something, especially when I would become solemn and thoughtful about the past, which happened often enough, for it was often on my mind when I was not thinking of the present. One inevitable day she did bring it up—the past, I mean, and how I fit into it…

It doesn't matter what led up to it, what matters only is that I found her suddenly, after we returned from space, staring intently at my hand. I raised a brow and slowly turned to her as I lifted my hand away and examined it myself. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary, so I returned my optics upon her.

"Something on your mind, Sunsparrow?"

"I was just thinking," she said looking quite thoughtful still to prove it. "Does it hurt to have red optics?"

"Hurt?" I demanded then. "Well—!" I paused.

I still was not quite accustomed to her randomness sometimes, and as I stared at her and wondering what in the universe that had to do with my hand, she suddenly looked very shy again. I suppose she had been avoiding speaking of it. In fact I know she had been. She often asked about my days as a seeker. Neither of us had a problem with that, but I just barely treaded upon what about being a seeker had led me to being a Decepticon and kept it at a day-to-day working sort of level when I spoke about those days. She would not let it go that far anyway. I had noticed. At the time I thought it was fear of speaking about the War and the carnage and insanity that went with it, but I have come to realize that it was most likely concern for upsetting me, for her curiosity burned.

"No. No, not really," I told her far kinder now but I could not withhold my bewilderment.

"Sorry," she said humbly.

"Oh, don't be," I told her firmly and straightening myself as I did and closing my optics. "No, they turn red from stress, you don't get stress from optics being red. Besides. I'm not the one to ask. Mine were red by the time I was _your_ age."

"Oh, that's terrible," she said.

I shrugged. "Yes, probably, but they aren't anymore. I have no stress now upon them." I paused again even in step as I corrected myself lifting a digit as I did. "Well! At least not that sort."

"But you do have very nice blue optics now," said Sunsparrow with a quick nod and a smile.

"Let's see, uh…" I thought for a moment tapping my chin with a claw as I muttered more to myself than to her about how I was going to explain it. I was not a scientist or a doctor after all, but instead of coming up with a decent answer I only came up with my previous question: "What does that have to do with my hands?"

"Oh," said Sunsparrow smiling sheepishly and she stifled a laugh, "nothing. I was just thinking about well…that they're very big and strong, and you're so gentle with them now."

I frowned.

"You must've been just as sucked into the Decepticon Cause as Mr. Jetfire and Dr. Knock Out," she said, "because you don't seem like you could hurt anyone really. You must have been so relieved to be able to escape it. Oh, and you're fun in a sweet kind of way too. No one like that could be a Decepticon at the spark."

"Fun?" I demanded, blinking as I stepped back a little.

That was a new one for me, but I shook my head. "Gentle" was still a far stranger word to describe me. I never would have conceived of it on my own.

"No," I said.

Sunsparrow's face fell. "No?"

"I wasn't," I said shaking my head again. "I wasn't at all gentle. These hands, Sunsparrow. You wouldn't want to know what they've done." I looked at them now myself rather guiltily.

"I know, but you were in a war and—"

I gave a weary sigh and my wings stooped. I couldn't help it, it was all so ridiculous, and I rolled my optics. Then I smiled at Sunsparrow once more and shook my head.

"No, Sunsparrow. You don't know," I told her simply putting a hand to the brow of my helm. Then I threw my arms behind my back. "Look, it might as well come out now that it's brought up, and then you won't have to worry about it anymore, but I wasn't anything like I am now, you understand. Even when I was your age, you wouldn't've liked me. You wouldn't've liked any one of us that had been Decepticons. The only one of us that was truly tricked and then changed sides once he understood was Jetfire. He's the only one, and I…I was the worst of the Decepticons."

Sunsparrow tried to smile. "Oh, Mr. Starscream, you must be being too hard on yourself."

"I can guarantee you, I'm not," I said putting a hand on her shoulder calmly; though perhaps a tad ostentatiously.

I could feel my wings lift importantly out of habit, and I opened my optics upon her briefly before looking out at the sky from where we stood on the aerie. A few jets flew by in the distance in that peaceful sky with a dreamily setting sun, and I knew I could not expect her to truly understand the heated hatred— the true clanking of steel, the obsessions of victory, and the addiction to conflict. I did not want her to, honestly, but she had to understand about myself.

"If you are to have me as your father," I said. "You have to understand what you say about me. I was evil, to put it bluntly. Downright evil and a downright spineless coward besides. When there was a fight I would be in the back commanding and allowing others to do the fighting until the enemy was weak. Sure I was the commander, but some commanders lead the battle not direct it from the back. Then afterwards, I would pick up the surviving enemy and bring them back for torture to find out what they knew, but really all I wanted was to torture them."

"Why?" asked Sunsparrow beside herself.

"I…I was angry." What else could I say? "I can't explain it. It wasn't right, of course. None of it was, but I did it and I liked it. I wanted to win, and the War kept going and going," I paused. "Well…honestly I would have gone on with the War for eternity I think, but I…I don't know. I felt betrayed. Lost. Helpless. I hated feeling like that."

"Everybody does."

"I know that, but, I didn't have to respond the way I did. I could have gone with Optimus Prime."

"You knew him before the War?" asked Sunsparrow.

"A little," I told her, and the more I spoke this time, the faster I spoke until I was speaking so fast that Sunsparrow could not quite keep up. "But he didn't make sense to me then. I wanted recognition. Respect. Power. Optimus didn't offer that. He was all humility and honor and other things that seemed to put me down, and I was already down, I thought. I wanted to go up, and—Well, the longer I was part of the Cause, the worse I became, and I didn't want to die because I was afraid of death, but I wanted power and the more I lusted the more I wanted and the more unsatisfied I became and the more wound up I got inside and the more cowardly I became. I made myself ill with it and I took it out on everyone and I didn't know what I wanted anymore, especially when my quest to be Lord Starscream failed. I had nothing to show for myself either in my cowardliness. No one liked me because of it, and I—"

I looked down at her wide optics and I winced.

"You don't understand a word I'm saying do you?"

"Well…I think…"

I wrung my hands now and look away. "Sorry. I got carried away, but…I suppose all you really have to understand is that I did those things purposely and they are forever a burden upon my spark, and I must live with the things I've done. Everyone I've hurt and anyone I've directly or indirectly killed for my own twisted pleasures whatever emotion I may have thought justified it at the time. Surely before my release, you must have heard my notoriety through the stories about the War."

"A little," Sunsparrow admitted.

"Well, most of them are very, very true, especially when told by Jetfire."

She looked down sadly, and I looked down too briefly and fisted my hands wearily at my sides. Again I opened my mouth to speak, hesitated, and then lifted my head skyward again and was about to speak the first word but all that came out was: " _Ih_?"

I noticed that Sunsparrow was not looking at nothing anymore. She was looking at me—at my chest where the Decepticon emblem used to be. But I knew she was not thinking of that. She did not know that was where it had been, I don't believe, but she was looking as if straight through it to my very spark.

I had at one time felt the symbolism of my Decepticon badge being over my spark. It had been the symbol of how every ounce of power produced by my spark was dedicated to the Cause, and that I belonged wholly to it and nothing else. It was gone now. I wanted to belong to Cybertron, but I was not sure that I exactly could then anymore than when Jetfire had given me my first teaching mission. For a moment I thought that Sunsparrow's naïve blue optics staring straight into that hole as symbolizing the rejuvenated Cybertron so full of vibrant life and wonder. A life that did not understand hatred and war and killing one's own race to the brink of extinction.

She was looking into me as though the eyes of Cybertron itself and yet in another moment I remembered that Cybertron was not truly new like Sunsparrow, but rejuvenated like most of the others of my generation that survived and lived here now. It was older than me, older the Megatron, older than recorded history.

Sunsparrow however quickly broke my grasping thoughts for deeper meaning that might not get anywhere which is just as well, after all. She was reaching out her hand now nearly hypnotically out to touch me there in that empty space on my chest, but she suddenly stopped when she noticed my optics on her. Her hand was midway there.

I took it and smiled, pressing it there and closing my optics tight.

"Mr. Starscream?" she asked gently. "Are you overheating again?"

I was sucking in air rather heavily down into my inner workings heated up from emotion, but not quite violent panting or anything like that. It soon calmed, and I opened my optics to her concerned face.

"Not anymore," I told her.

#

I apparently had opened a new box, for she did ask now and again after that day about the past. I tried to be truthful and I tried to be strong, but thinking about the past often did make me feel exceedingly uncomfortable. And Sunsparrow noticed every twitch of my wing and every flicker of my brow and for someone whose moods could not be hidden easily, this made this very awkward sometimes. She might have asked me more about the past if I had not obviously shown discomfort. I know she was only trying to understand it, and I wanted to help her understand. It was not like speaking about it with her made me think about it more. It was always on my mind anyway. In some ways it was a release to speak of it, and I did not know how to explain that to her, but she began to worry about me.

I suppose the last occasion of this was once that originally had little to do with my past at all, but had to do with Knock Out. When it came to Arcee or Knock Out I was especially uncomfortable. Don't ask me why. I don't the reason enough to explain it, but she was saying something or other about Knock Out (she liked him), and she stopped suddenly to ask candidly, "Do you not like Dr. Knock Out?"

"What?" I asked making a face. "What makes you ask that?"

"Well, every time I mention him you sigh in the disgusted way you do and look away all annoyed."

Surely she was exaggerating just a little.

I raised a brow. "I do?"

Sunsparrow nodded. "Why don't you like him?"

"I don't _dislike_ him. It's not that, it's just—"

"He likes you, I think."

I frowned. I couldn't help it. "Does he?" I muttered.

"Sure he does," Sunsparrow insisted.

"No one has any particular reason to like me, Sunsparrow. I don't blame them either," I told her simply.

"I like you," said Sunsparrow rather offended, but she quickly softened again and said, "Everyone loves you. Jetfire and Skywarp and Skyfire. We all love each other. We're a family. Optimus' family, right?"

"Optimus' Family" sort of was becoming another name for Cybertronians of new Cybertron. She had picked it up from one of the others I had no doubt. Though, I think I may have used the term myself. After all, I consider my fortune of being free and having company amidst my own clan as they were now being set up, due to Optimus Prime. I know he's dead and he was dead long before my imprisonment, but his presence on Cybertron was everywhere. I felt it often. Call me a wishful thinker or a silly old fool, but I know who to thank for my last chance, but even still I did not expect that anyone really liked me aside from my own clan. They did not hate me. I knew that, but "like" was strong and "love" almost made me chuckle at her honest simplicity.

"Sunsparrow, they don't have to love me. I don't expect them to."

"But you should and they do," she insisted quite in earnest. "I know they do."

"Oh, don't worry about what others think," I tutted gently and motioned us back to work.

But it was later that day after she had disappeared for some time that she said again quite confidently and with a very broad smile on her face, "Knock Out likes you."

"Does he now?" I muttered with amusement. "I believe we've been over this."

"But he does, I asked him myself."

I blinked and shook my head and Sunsparrow's smile broadened with her own happy amusement of her accomplishment. I also must have made quite the expression too, and I know that many of my expressions amuse her despite herself.

"You…asked him," I said.

"Mmm hmm."

I looked upwards and put my hand over my optics. "Oh."

"Oh, don't worry, he didn't mind, he said that of course he liked you and so did everyone else."

Quickly I opened my optics and returned to her with mouth gaping, "Everyone else?"

"Yes, I asked everyone. Uh, except the president cuz he was busy. Oh, and Mr. Wheeljack and Dr. Ratchet, of course, cuz they're gone."

"Everyone," I said again closing my optics in defeat and slumping forward.

Sunsparrow twiddled her digits. "Is that bad?"

Again I opened my optics and straightened and I shook my head with a forced smile. "No. No, of course you didn't do anything wrong it's just…"

"Did I embarrass you?" she asked hesitantly. Her wings slumped more exaggeratedly than usual, but then she had been doing that an awful lot lately. I was beginning to think that she was learning it from me.

"Uh…well…a little, maybe…" I said rubbing the back of my neck.

"Oh, but no one minded, and everyone said that they liked you," said Sunsparrow trying to sound encouraging; though she still looked unhappy that she had upset me.

I sighed. "Sunsparrow. I appreciate your intent but…" I paused. "Wait. Are you sure they all said that? Even Sling—"

"Yes, and Arcee said—"

"Arcee!"

"Is that bad?" asked Sunsparrow again.

I shook my head. "No, please. What did she say?"

"She said that you were very emotional," said Sunsparrow with care, "and that you're very dramatic sometimes."

"You had a conversation about me?" I asked.

"Nothing bad," Sunsparrow insisted.

"Is that all she said?" I asked fidgeting. I probably never even fidgeted that much in front of Megatron weighing my value and whether or not to terminate me.

"No," said Sunsparrow. "She said that she liked you now that you changed, because it was a hard thing for you to do. She said no one thought you could ever do what you did. No one would have believed you at all if it wasn't for your optics and all. She's impressed with you, but she said that you were a lot of times kinda hard on yourself now."

"How would she know?" I demanded frustrated now. "I never talk to her."

"She said she could see it in your optics and the way you are when you go to the capital." Then Sunsparrow smiled, "But she said, I was good for you, and that you've been better now…"

#

" _And now," said Starscream back to the present on this crater. He had begun speaking his thoughts out loud. It was the habit of those whose only confidents were themselves, and it had been thus since the beginning of time for Starscream until very recently. Alone on this planetoid and in great pain that was beginning to worsen now that the energon leakage was becoming near dangerous, the old habit was returning in full swing. "Here I am."_

" _We were only leaving for exploration. I wanted to show her something beautiful. Something that would make her optics shine. I wanted to thank her. What better place than the mines of Planetoid B17. From the old days." He laughed. "Terrible energon mines. I told her that, but there was something to show her that certainly would have dazzled other races into a war."_

 _#_

"Why?" she asked as we landed on the planetoid.

It had been a long way there. Almost too far to go by jet-mode with enough energon to fly back, but not quite, and Sunsparrow had been so excited for the trip that she had been practically tingling with it and all the way there. The suspense was killing her, I knew, and I had only revealed now that there was more than an old mine we were going to visit; though she had known all along that something more interesting was there. I didn't hide that.

"Because," I told her, pretending not to have the suspense she had as I threw an arm behind my back scholarly and with the other in a fist confidently at my chest. "Other races have currency, and greed and power is symbolized with matter for such races."

"Oh," said Sunsparrow. "Is this like a history lesson then?"

I chuckled. "No."

I was making my way down into the caves and she had to hurry now to catch up with me, but we did not have to go far. The light of our blue optics caught the shards of everything inside.

She gasped and stood back.

"Wow!" she whispered trying to look around her all at once.

For in every direction all around her was a glistening rainbow of color from very bright glistening crystals and diamond-like and gold-like minerals more dazzling than anything on Cybertron. It all overlooked a thick, mirror lake with a natural archway over it. It was such a thick and dangerous substance in that lake that it was not frozen as most other liquids would have been in such an environment, and it rippled gelatin-like at our approach in its silvery way, causing the reflections of the colored diamonds to shimmer.

"It's so amazing!" she said and turned to me. "It's beautiful."

I smiled. The best jewel of all was her delight.

"I knew you'd like it," I said. "It had impressed me as a young seeker, even if the awe of it had been killed by that fact that there had been very few energon crystals and only on the far other side of the caves."

How could I have known all that long ago how delighted these caves would make me today?


	4. Epiphanies

JMJ

CHAPTER FOUR: EPIPHANIES

Sunsparrow's shriek pierced my audio receivers, and for a moment it was more surprise and the reorientation of my hearing that really had me engaged as I suddenly cringed and squeezed my optics shut. It did not take long to recover however as I swiveled my head towards the scream and saw that she had only been startled by a meteor slug.

Slimy, green, revolting beast, to be sure, but nothing to be alarmed about unless one stood around long enough for it to decide you a good place to make its home, but even then it was far more a danger to ships than Cybertronians in the fact that you would have to be a pretty unobservant idiot not to see or feel them before too late, for they are not very fast at their work nor very slick about it.

Anyway, that was what had startled Sunsparrow, and at once I sighed in relief, but she did not.

Immediately lifting up her hands she transformed them into a pair of laser weapons, and as she had rarely if ever used them before, I was the one freaking out now. This part of the cavern was not safe for those who did not know how to aim under pressure.

" _Wait_!" I cried but too late.

She fired.

It's possible my cry itself made her aim worse, for her first two shots were what missed, but the third one was the charm. It struck the creature down into a pile of smoking goo, but whether no longer distracted by me or simply gaining control over her fear enough to aim, she had struck the wall just before that just right so that it was no longer safe here.

"We have to get out here!" I said as the cavern began to rumble.

The ground was shaking and the tunnel was collapsing, and this leads us to where I am now. I pushed her ahead. She transformed just barely in time, and I transformed after her. We flew out a side tunnel. Perhaps it would have been better to go through the main cavern, because I now believe that it had suffered little damage, but at the time, the side tunnel closer to us had seemed the best course to me—the quickest means of escape.

I remained behind her at all times; though I could have easily flown past her, but the tunnel was soon collapsing in all around us. I rammed into her near the entrance, forcing her out into the open just as a great slab was about to hit her.

It collided with me instead, as those things go. I was struck down. I could feel and hear the sickening crunch of my wings, and something very sharp ripped into what was soon to be my leg when I transformed once outside of what remained of the opening. I also ended in scraping my side with another sickening screech. I tumbled and fell onto the ground. The only fortune was that I was not completely buried, but I was trapped enough for the moment not to go any further from where I lay.

Before the dust cleared, I could hear Sunsparrow calling out for me. I only moaned in return. She gasped as she saw me and frantically pushed the rubble out of the way and off of me. She carefully pulled me out as best as she could. I could not stand because of my leg and the pain in my side. My insides were overheating and I found myself panting and wheezing as I collapsed again in front her on hands and knees. I could feel the imbalance in my wings, and I think I even felt sparks sizzle. Honestly it was my wings above all that had my attention as far as my wounds went, but not nearly as much as it was on the relief that Sunsparrow had escaped.

"You're not hurt?" I demanded through a cough in my voice capacitator.

I tried to stand for her sake, but I couldn't get much higher than my knees. With hands still holding myself up I moved into a position that would not allow my leg to leak anymore than it had to.

"No!" Sunsparrow assured me violently shaking her head as she helped me into a better position. "No! Are _you_ okay? Mr. Starscream?"

"I don't think it's quite as bad as it looks," I wheezed trying to smile. "I don't think I'm leaking much and there's no serious internal damage, so…"

" _Shh…_ I'll go get help! You stay there, okay?"

"You're sure you can make it back by your—"

#

Starscream's thoughts broke suddenly as he heard a sound of energy very near him, and he knew it at once to be a bridge. Swiveling his head he turned to his rescuer and he saw before he emerged what he feared.

"Knock Out," he cracked.

"Ah, there you are, Starscream," said Knock Out in his usual pleasant though slightly teasing manner, breaking all dramatic atmosphere Starscream had collected within his own thoughts. "We were having difficulty finding your exact position with all the unusual mineral content on this planet about distorting the scanners—they may not be energon crystals but they certainly have power capabilities." He paused briefly examining Starscream carefully. "Hmm, well, we'll have you patched up soon enough."

Much to Starscream's displeasure and despite how he insisted he could step a few paces into the portal himself, Knock Out ignored it all and promptly helped Starscream onto his stands, and half carried him and half led him in through the portal. They ended up was the hospital lobby.

#

"As usual, Starscream, your luck is remarkable, and your spark as strong as ever. Everything will be healed quickly enough, except for your wings. They'll have to be replaced."

Starscream sighed. "They're beyond repair," he murmured.

" _But_ easily replaced," urged Knock Out pleasantly and holding out a finger. "Fortunately we live on a rejuvenated planet with resources to spare. It may take a few hours wait, but we'll have them back on you soon enough and better than ever."

"Hmm, figures…"

Having just recently woken from stasis in which the leakage was dealt with, his leg put to right, and his severed wings removed, Starscream did feel better physically, but his funk seemed to have gotten worse. Knock Out watched him for a moment as Starscream remained deeply in his own thoughts staring straight ahead of himself from where he lay at an angle on the medical table.

"Something on your mind, Starscream?" Knock Out asked casually.

"Where's Sunsparrow?" Starscream asked.

Knock Out shrugged. "Probably waiting for you. She called me as soon as she was within calling range. She knows you're in good hands." And here he smiled again.

Starscream raised a brow. He closed his optics briefly, and Knock Out removed the monitoring lines that had been fastened about during the process of dealing with the leak in his side, which had been a little worse than Starscream would have admitted even if it did not matter anymore now that he was fixed well enough aside from his wings.

"She's probably worrying about me," Starscream muttered as Knock Out came to the last cord.

Knock Out paused and now it was his turn to give a funny look as he said, "Yes, that is typically how a loved one responds when there's something wrong with you."

"I don't know why," said Starscream.

Knock Out laughed. "What?"

Starscream's eyes widened suddenly as he realized what his statement sounded like next to Knock Out's and growled a little. "I mean," he said rather flustered in tone and fidgeting queerly. "I don't know why she chose me."

"Why _not_ you?"

Starscream sighed. "She has such faith in me, such respect for me as an honorable person."

"What's wrong with that?"

Again Starscream flustered. "You know perfectly well why. Because I'm not. She doesn't understand." He looked ahead now and said rather sadly, "I know she doesn't. I'm not… not like the rest of you."

Knock Out now removed the last line and stepped back staunchly.

"In what way?" he demanded eyeing Starscream with expectant optics under half lowered lids. "You're not making any sense. Mr. President seems to think you're respectable enough to be among us. That should be good enough for you."

"He allows me to be free because of his charity and I have not done anything to warrant prison again since my release," Starscream retorted.

"And…" Knock Out lifted a hand and shrugged. "You haven't so…"

"It doesn't prove anything," said Starscream with a pout.

"You're actions don't prove anything? Look, Starscream, you've had a rough day getting rocks thrown on you and all, and having your favorite doctor seal up your energon lines and remove your wings. It's possible you're overreacting a little."

"Are you doing this on purpose? Look, I know you don't like me, but—"

"I never said I didn't like you," said Knock Out and he paused. "Well, not since your release, anyway. But I think I understand, Starscream."

"Do you?" said Starscream very doubtfully.

"I think you spend way too much time in the past," Knock Out remarked ignoring Starscream's tone.

"No!" Starscream insisted. "I want nothing to do with it. I can't change the past."

"Exactly." Knock Out chuckled.

Starscream winced.

"You're nothing like you were then," said Knock Out. "You gotta know that at least. You're not trying to overthrow Bumblebee or steal hatchlings or sneak off in the middle of the night with some psychotic plan that will give you some sort of promotion, now are you? And here you are recovering from an injury caused by rescuing a little girl. That doesn't sound like anything the old Starscream would do."

"But that's just it. I don't," said Starscream sadly. "I don't know anything, really. How can I? I mean, of course I'm not trying to overthrow—ah! Any of those things. Of course I saved her. How could I not?"

"You never showed any interest in saving anyone before."

"Lord Megatron towards the end."

"Not to my knowledge," said Knock Out with another chuckle.

"You weren't there," Starscream said with a sniff. "And I'm sure even before my return to the ranks, I might have tried to save someone that—that—that truly loved me. You don't understand, Knock Out. No one has ever loved me like that before. I would have loved her back after a fashion had I—"

"And back then you didn't deserve it."

"But I've always only gone with the flow on these things," Starscream said more to himself now than to Knock Out. "I—! I mean, I may very well be only doing this because it's convenient. For my own well-being. Of course I can't be a Decepticon anymore. Of course. There are none. The Cause is dead. I don't know if I'm really changed or if I just have no choice. Sometimes I forget even that my optics have turned from red to blue. I never had a chance to prove anything about myself except that I wanted to escape from prison. Those were my choices, prison or joining the victors of the war."

"Starscream, you never did anything for convenience's sake, believe me," said Knock Out rolling his optics but he was smiling. "And you still aren't."

"But I did only ever look out for myself."

"And now you're feeling sorry for yourself," Knock Out remarked somewhat losing patience now as he crossed his arms and frowned. "I guess in that one way you are still the same. You still make everything about _you_ in the worst way possible. Here you are saving a little girl as a hero and all you can do is think about how much you scrapped in the past."

Starscream cringed. He had to think about that one.

Knock Out's smile slowly returned. Starscream always was a stubborn unheeding person.

"You're thinking about this way too much," Knock Out said. "That's what I think."

"You're right," said Starscream more sadly than before and very slowly. "I am still only thinking of myself. I'm not like the rest of you. I understand there are some things I can never be part of, and I'm only grateful that I can at least be among you all even if I can't truly join—"

Knock Out groaned and rolled his optics again. "Okay, now you're just getting dramatic. Look. Starscream. You think you're different from Skywarp or me. You really thing you're different? We've all done things we regret. Even the Autobots have done things they regret. We all have pasts. Can you really sit there and tell me that you were worse than me?"

Slowly Starscream lifted his head and looked at Knock Out carefully, searchingly, but there was more than the first time a glint in his eyes of some sort of understanding, and Knock Out felt satisfaction as Starscream's mouth slowly dropped.

"I…"

"And I even had a decent upbringing," Knock Out went on. "You don't even have that. I was well cared for and well loved, but did that stop me from joining the Decepticons out of fear and watch my fellow scientists, my friends, my family, Starscream, be slaughtered before my optics? Do you think I don't regret that? And I killed humans just because they insulted me, you know that. Sort of an impulsive revenge, you remember, when I was on Earth, and I enjoyed it."

Although his tone was not much different than usual, his optics were dead serious as he stared with his intense optics at Starscream, and Starscream's optics stared back as wide as they could go in return, for he had never heard Knock Out talk about such things, and the impression upon him was great as it slowly sunk in and struck Starscream.

"I've…never thought about it before," said Starscream rather dazed. He paused a little while, thinking very deeply about this profound revelation of his about Knock Out.

"But I know I'm different now," said Knock Out then contrastingly careless in manner again, "so there's no reason to drag on about it."

"Because you had a chance to prove yourself. You displayed selflessness on the final battle when you joined the Autobots. You fought Soundwave even. Even though you knew you had no way to succeed. You fought Lock Down and myself as well. You risked your life for the humans who didn't even like you."

"I did," Knock Out admitted, "but you can't compare that. Those were those times, and besides you can't compare yourself to me. We're completely opposite in every way including how we left the Decepticons, but that doesn't make you an outcast."

Starscream lowered his head, though he was far calmer than he had been.

"But I've never felt truly at peace and part of the original members of Team Prime," said Starscream, "because—"

"Because you never talk to them," Knock Out pointed out, "but I know for a fact that they are greatly impressed by you."

"Really?" said Starscream doubtfully, but his doubt was more bewildered this time than scornful.

"What? You think I'm making this up. I'm not joking about something like that."

"Well, I don't know. I never understood you," said Starscream.

"Nor I you," said Knock Out. "But I'm also impressed as much as they are. No one thought you were capable of what you did, Starscream. I may have fought villains and rescue helpless humans, but you had to fight yourself on your own in prison locked up with _your_ thoughts. And I know just from that little bit I saw of your mind with a little help from the cordical psychic patch that you're a terrible mental force with how many knots you tie yourself into."

"Well, I did have a little help from Bumblebee and Opti—"

"It still was more by yourself than with me. It must have been harder than killing Lock Down and just as hard as facing Soundwave. The only thing now is that you don't realize that you don't have to fight yourself like that anymore. You're free now. Let yourself be."

"But I thought when it was over I would feel different. I thought…I would know when the 'fight' was over."

Knock Out shrugged. "In my experience you don't feel any different. You're always going to be you, and I guess as someone else told me, it's never one hundred percent over. You can always improve, but…" he shrugged. "You don't have to beat yourself up anymore after you realize that."

"I…" Starscream smiled slowly, sheepishly. "I feel sort of silly now."

Knock Out shrugged. "Good. You're on your way."

Now Starscream sighed. "I guess you got to be my councilor after all even though it was only a joke then."

"Oh, no, I meant it then too," remarked Knock Out with grin.

"Well," said Starscream closing his optics. "Thank you, anyway."

"Oh, you're welcome. Just returning the favor," said Knock Out.

"Favor?" said Starscream, raising an exaggerated brow and leaning up on his elbows.

"Well, you knocked some sense into me once, though not intentionally admittedly even if it took a lot out of you at the time, and I thank you for that."

Starscream blinked blankly for a moment, and then shook his head. "Maybe it's best not to ask," he muttered, "but you're welcome then. And maybe now that we're even I think I shall also try a take on your advice… I should like to be on better terms with you and the others. I mean I shouldn't have to come to the heart of the capital only in cases of injury."

"Sounds like a plan," agreed Knock Out stepping towards the door. "I'll get your wings ordered then, and I'm sure someone's waiting for you."

The door rolled open and sure enough hardly had Knock Out stepped out into the corridor when Sunsparrow ran up with a gasp. She paused and looked up at Knock Out. "Is it alright, Dr. Knock Out?"

"He's all yours," Knock Out assured her with a knowing smile, and Sunsparrow hurried in.

The door was shut behind her for privacy with Knock Out on the outside.

"You're wings!" he still heard her gasp.

Knock Out closed his optics with amusement and promptly walked down the corridor leaving Starscream to speak with his charge.

And although, Starscream had some moments of melancholy after that day certainly and some funks now and again (he had to get some things out of his system still), but he was far happier overall. It made it better that in the months that followed he did make slow attempts to speak with the others and get to know them a little better in his own fashion. In time he found that he got along rather well with Arcee after the awkwardness had passed. They often had long discussions.

He was after that better able to encourage Skywarp who since his memories had been lost to him had been in a lethargic sort of melancholy himself, but Starscream having returned to his more optimistic side soon cheered him up and helped him to remember what he could about the past and accept it.

Starscream also became good friends with Knock Out; though they often disagreed and argued, especially when Starscream became exceptionally passionate about something, but it was never taken personally in the end.

All and all Starscream did become content with his life, and was pleased with his place in it. He was third under Jetfire in the primary clan of the flights. He had a special charge over Sunsparrow and eventually a few other flights as well. He was a survivor of the War, a reformed murderer and hateful person who had escaped such a trap of the mind and spark, as well as a very good flier—one of the best! He was complete and as grateful as he was complete so that he found himself quite at peace.

THE END

* * *

NOTE: _Thank you to everyone who read this. This is based on a story by my sister (Starscout-lost on Deviant Art). We thought that there should be more closure with Starscream than there had been in Red Haze and it was its own thought and own story so I had to keep separate from the other fic. It's not meant to be taken too heavily or anything. I hope it wasn't too weird. I just wanted him to be happy XD_


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